Written by
Millie Health Team
Published on
February 23, 2023
The human mind, a fascinating web of thoughts and emotions, often grapples with cognitive distortions, or flawed patterns of thinking. One pervasive distortion that tends to slip unnoticed into our cognitive narrative is the use of "should statements."
"Should statements" are essentially self-imposed rules about how we or others ought to behave. They reflect our internalised expectations and standards (Ellis, 1976). For instance, thinking, "I should always be productive," or "People should treat me fairly," are typical examples. While they may seem benign, these statements can create a rigid cognitive framework that may lead to disappointment, guilt, or frustration when reality diverges from our "shoulds."
"Should statements" have been linked to a variety of mental health disorders. Individuals with high levels of anxiety or depression frequently employ "should statements," which exacerbate their distress by creating unrealistic self-expectations (Flett, Hewitt, Whelan, & Martin, 2007). Similarly, these distortions can fuel perfectionism, leading to chronic dissatisfaction and self-criticism (Shafran, Cooper, & Fairburn, 2002).
So, how do psychologists help individuals counteract "should statements"? A multi-faceted approach combining awareness, cognitive restructuring, and self-compassion is often adopted in therapeutic settings.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques can be instrumental in tackling this cognitive distortion. The process starts with heightening the individual's awareness of their "should statements" (Beck, 2011). Journaling, for instance, can help individuals identify when and where these distortions surface in their thoughts.
Following this recognition, cognitive restructuring comes into play. This strategy challenges the absolutist thinking inherent in "should statements." By weighing the evidence and considering alternative viewpoints, individuals can develop a more flexible cognitive schema (Hofmann, Asnaani, Vonk, Sawyer, & Fang, 2012).
For instance, the thought, "I should always be productive," could be reframed as, "While productivity is beneficial, it's also important to allow myself downtime for rest and rejuvenation." This reframing promotes cognitive flexibility, thus reducing the pressure stemming from the initial "should statement."
Complementing cognitive restructuring with self-compassion fosters emotional resilience. By practicing kindness toward oneself when reality doesn't align with our "shoulds," we can cultivate healthier emotional responses (Neff, 2003).
Finally, mindfulness-based interventions can assist individuals in distancing themselves from their "should statements." Rather than being consumed by them, they can observe these thoughts non-judgmentally, reducing their influence over emotions and behaviors (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).
By understanding "should statements" and learning to navigate them, individuals can foster a more flexible and compassionate cognitive landscape, enhancing their mental wellbeing.
Sources:
1. Ellis, A. (1976). RET abolishes most of the human ego. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 13(4), 343–348.
2. Flett, G. L., Hewitt, P. L., Whelan, T., & Martin, T. R. (2007). The Perfectionism Cognitions Inventory: Psychometric Properties and Associations with Distress and Deficits in Cognitive Self-Management. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 25(4), 255–277.
3. Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: a cognitive–behavioural analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(7), 773–791.
4. Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
5. Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses. Cognitive therapy and research, 36(5), 427–440.
6. Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
7. Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: past, present, and future. Clinical psychology: Science and practice, 10(2), 144–156.
